direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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