I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize