And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
