What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
