Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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