GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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