This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
They have beer where we have blood.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
