good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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