Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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