I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
