Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
