just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
