My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
where does the pee come out of this thing
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
