But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
