In the future we'll all be gay
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
