I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
