y did u give ur computer a hand job?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Someone shit on the floor
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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