Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
