____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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