My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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