If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
