i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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