you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
