You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
