If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize