Michael Bay diarrhea
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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