the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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