You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize