I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize