Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dicks are not precious.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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