What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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