I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
