They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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