I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
