oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
