He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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