Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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