god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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