She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize