just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
