True but thats because hes a fetus.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
