He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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