I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
