I have demons in me.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize
