and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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