So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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