Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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