I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
