Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
