Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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