oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
