I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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