I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
