one might say we're banned from that church
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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