why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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