dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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