I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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