This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
