I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
