you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
