i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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