I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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