My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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