the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
