how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
