this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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