I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize