I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
