Me too!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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