He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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