Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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