All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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