the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
