even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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