Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize