She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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